Sexual Harrassment: Aney Epa Karanda
SEXUAL HARASSMENT: Living in Sri Lanka over the past eight months, I have encountered many instances of sexual harassment. I have heard stories from women of all generations, and from many countries. I have witnessed first-hand women getting harassed.
I have been sexually harassed myself. Based on this experience, I believe sexual harassment is a major issue, one that needs to be addressed by Sri Lankan society in order to affect change. Sexual harassment is an unfortunate reality that persists throughout different societies regardless of country.
There is a big difference between my experiences in the US, Europe and Africa and my experiences in Sri Lanka. In this country, I get the sense that the topic is not one to speak of in the open and there seem to be few support systems available for women who experience harassment.
In fact, I hesitate to write on this topic based on my experience of bringing up the subject in the past and receiving uncomfortable reactions. My impression is that society in general does not wish to accept that such behaviour occurs and therefore assumes instances of harassment are an anomaly of daily life - or have been provoked by the women who experience them.
As a woman from a major American city, I am familiar with being approached by strangers who exhibit inappropriate behaviour in public - men in particular.
However, a man who approaches a woman with sexual comments in my hometown of New York City is looked down upon if onlookers notice the behaviour. Friends here have told me that Sri Lankans also reject and oppose sexual harassment. Their contention, however, has not always been my experience.
I encountered sexual harassment during my first days in Colombo. As I walked down the street, young men approached me while I was still trying to learn the layout of the city. These men would make sexual comments, come close to me and even walk alongside me even though I asked them to leave me alone.
Similarly, on the bus, I often experienced men coming very close to either me or women next to me, touching any woman or young girl they could get close to on body parts not meant to be touched in public.
To my knowledge, onlookers at the time did not discourage the behaviour, nor were they willing to take a stand against such behaviour in public. Still, though, I must admit that I have heard stories from older, educated Sri Lankan women who have scolded men for their actions, asking them sharply if they would act that way towards women in their family.
Personally, I always move away or give a strong look to the perpetrator to let him know that I am aware of his behaviour and that he had better stop. Usually, that works at least momentarily. However, I believe that if society disapproved of this behaviour more openly as whole, men would not commit it in the first place.
The most significant experience I had was while at a homecoming (a ceremony and party after a wedding) several months ago.
A young naval officer was clearly respected by the guests and seemed to be a decent and polite man at first. Guests were drinking alcohol, and as the evening passed the naval officer became drunk along with other men at the event.
At one point noticed that he was inappropriately touching young girls at the party 'by accident' yet the girls just pretended that nothing happened, looking very embarrassed. Later, I was dancing with the young girls at the wedding, all of them my junior by at least a decade.
I felt the men were looking at me from the other side of the dance floor and noticed that only a few mostly married women were dancing. Deciding to not let the stares and only few women present deter me from enjoying time with the young girls, I stayed in a corner to dance with them.
The naval officer approached me and told me he wanted to dance with me. I politely declined, but this only angered him. He grabbed my arm and pulled me to the center of the dance floor. I was telling him to stop more firmly this time, mama baninawa... epa... ati... mama alanawa epa...Kamathie neheh. He only responded by coming closer to my face and saying, mama oyata kamathie. I tried to let go, but he was quite stronger than me.
I saw others watching, but no one said or did anything. Finally, I thought of the respect shave for the family and elders in this country and asked, oyage wayasa keeyida? How old are you? He was only three years my junior, just enough to say, mama oyage akka - oyage aka EPA kiyawa... epa! "I am your big sister - big sister said no... stop!" Miraculously, he laughed, told me "alright," hari, hari and let me go.
His behaviour upset me, but most of all I was disappointed that no one watching had intervened. I had the sense that even if observers disapproved, no one had wanted to be that person to stand up to him, a naval officer in the family.
The next day, I told the story to a Sri Lankan friend and he advised me to explain his to my host family that I did not want him to touch me - that I was not happy with the officer's behaviour. I was surprised by this reaction. I had thought that telling the young man and trying to get away from him had been a clear enough statement.
My Sri Lankan friend suggested that if I did not explain my intentions explicitly to my host family, they may think it was my fault - or that I did something to ask for that behaviour. This was shocking to me: How could it have been I who wanted his advances?
After much consideration, I decided to tell them. I called the mother and father - which then brought the attention of my host sisters - and explained that the wedding and the homecoming were really nice, I did not like it when the naval officer touched me and did not let me go.
They were surprised, which left me equally surprised. They assumed that he was not serious and I should not worry, but I explained the story from my perspective. I included that this young man should not just be feeling badly about his behaviour towards me, but he should not act that way towards ANY woman he encounters.
I was not sure of the outcome of communicating this, but I felt it was the right thing to do. My host father got on the phone to call the young man's family and had him apologise. I do not know if this had an impact, but at least I know that my family is aware of my disapproval of his behaviour - especially my two nangies (younger sisters) who will likely encounter similar experiences in the future.
Soon after this I spoke with a well-educated and well-respected woman community leader in a neighbouring village, who told me that when counselling young women of the community, she frequently heard stories of harassment. She even shared her own personal experiences (and those of her classmates) when she was younger.
There are five main reasons that women do not come forward with stories of sexual harassment. First, people often doubt whether women are telling the truth or think that they are only asking for attention. Second, people are rude towards women who bring sexual harassment into the public's attention.
Third, women can be too shy or embarrassed to share their stories. Fourth, women fear that if they expose men's behaviour their safety would be at risk. Fifth, women are afraid of bringing attention to themselves and risking a damaged reputation.
Considering these factors that hinder women's self-esteem and status, it is no wonder that women do not come forward and share their experiences. A study of women workers by Swarna Jayaweera, reveals one impact of gender inequality where 73 per cent of the women studied preferred to be reborn as men, 15 percent as men or women and only 10 per-cent as women. Among the men, 90 per cent wished to be reborn as men and 8.5 per cent as women."
Sexual harassment is indeed present in all societies and persists as a daily problem for women of all nations. Those who experience it are not coming forward with stories for various reasons, leaving a false impression that it is not a problem in society. I believe that in order to address this issue, the taboo of the topic should be broken through awareness and acceptance of women's personal stories amongst women, men and children through social support systems. Women of Sri Lanka - citizens, expatriates and visitors - let your voices and stories be heard.
http://www.dailynews.lk/2006/08/17/fea03.asp
SEXUAL HARASSMENT: Living in Sri Lanka over the past eight months, I have encountered many instances of sexual harassment. I have heard stories from women of all generations, and from many countries. I have witnessed first-hand women getting harassed.
I have been sexually harassed myself. Based on this experience, I believe sexual harassment is a major issue, one that needs to be addressed by Sri Lankan society in order to affect change. Sexual harassment is an unfortunate reality that persists throughout different societies regardless of country.
There is a big difference between my experiences in the US, Europe and Africa and my experiences in Sri Lanka. In this country, I get the sense that the topic is not one to speak of in the open and there seem to be few support systems available for women who experience harassment.
In fact, I hesitate to write on this topic based on my experience of bringing up the subject in the past and receiving uncomfortable reactions. My impression is that society in general does not wish to accept that such behaviour occurs and therefore assumes instances of harassment are an anomaly of daily life - or have been provoked by the women who experience them.
As a woman from a major American city, I am familiar with being approached by strangers who exhibit inappropriate behaviour in public - men in particular.
However, a man who approaches a woman with sexual comments in my hometown of New York City is looked down upon if onlookers notice the behaviour. Friends here have told me that Sri Lankans also reject and oppose sexual harassment. Their contention, however, has not always been my experience.
I encountered sexual harassment during my first days in Colombo. As I walked down the street, young men approached me while I was still trying to learn the layout of the city. These men would make sexual comments, come close to me and even walk alongside me even though I asked them to leave me alone.
Similarly, on the bus, I often experienced men coming very close to either me or women next to me, touching any woman or young girl they could get close to on body parts not meant to be touched in public.
To my knowledge, onlookers at the time did not discourage the behaviour, nor were they willing to take a stand against such behaviour in public. Still, though, I must admit that I have heard stories from older, educated Sri Lankan women who have scolded men for their actions, asking them sharply if they would act that way towards women in their family.
Personally, I always move away or give a strong look to the perpetrator to let him know that I am aware of his behaviour and that he had better stop. Usually, that works at least momentarily. However, I believe that if society disapproved of this behaviour more openly as whole, men would not commit it in the first place.
The most significant experience I had was while at a homecoming (a ceremony and party after a wedding) several months ago.
A young naval officer was clearly respected by the guests and seemed to be a decent and polite man at first. Guests were drinking alcohol, and as the evening passed the naval officer became drunk along with other men at the event.
At one point noticed that he was inappropriately touching young girls at the party 'by accident' yet the girls just pretended that nothing happened, looking very embarrassed. Later, I was dancing with the young girls at the wedding, all of them my junior by at least a decade.
I felt the men were looking at me from the other side of the dance floor and noticed that only a few mostly married women were dancing. Deciding to not let the stares and only few women present deter me from enjoying time with the young girls, I stayed in a corner to dance with them.
The naval officer approached me and told me he wanted to dance with me. I politely declined, but this only angered him. He grabbed my arm and pulled me to the center of the dance floor. I was telling him to stop more firmly this time, mama baninawa... epa... ati... mama alanawa epa...Kamathie neheh. He only responded by coming closer to my face and saying, mama oyata kamathie. I tried to let go, but he was quite stronger than me.
I saw others watching, but no one said or did anything. Finally, I thought of the respect shave for the family and elders in this country and asked, oyage wayasa keeyida? How old are you? He was only three years my junior, just enough to say, mama oyage akka - oyage aka EPA kiyawa... epa! "I am your big sister - big sister said no... stop!" Miraculously, he laughed, told me "alright," hari, hari and let me go.
His behaviour upset me, but most of all I was disappointed that no one watching had intervened. I had the sense that even if observers disapproved, no one had wanted to be that person to stand up to him, a naval officer in the family.
The next day, I told the story to a Sri Lankan friend and he advised me to explain his to my host family that I did not want him to touch me - that I was not happy with the officer's behaviour. I was surprised by this reaction. I had thought that telling the young man and trying to get away from him had been a clear enough statement.
My Sri Lankan friend suggested that if I did not explain my intentions explicitly to my host family, they may think it was my fault - or that I did something to ask for that behaviour. This was shocking to me: How could it have been I who wanted his advances?
After much consideration, I decided to tell them. I called the mother and father - which then brought the attention of my host sisters - and explained that the wedding and the homecoming were really nice, I did not like it when the naval officer touched me and did not let me go.
They were surprised, which left me equally surprised. They assumed that he was not serious and I should not worry, but I explained the story from my perspective. I included that this young man should not just be feeling badly about his behaviour towards me, but he should not act that way towards ANY woman he encounters.
I was not sure of the outcome of communicating this, but I felt it was the right thing to do. My host father got on the phone to call the young man's family and had him apologise. I do not know if this had an impact, but at least I know that my family is aware of my disapproval of his behaviour - especially my two nangies (younger sisters) who will likely encounter similar experiences in the future.
Soon after this I spoke with a well-educated and well-respected woman community leader in a neighbouring village, who told me that when counselling young women of the community, she frequently heard stories of harassment. She even shared her own personal experiences (and those of her classmates) when she was younger.
There are five main reasons that women do not come forward with stories of sexual harassment. First, people often doubt whether women are telling the truth or think that they are only asking for attention. Second, people are rude towards women who bring sexual harassment into the public's attention.
Third, women can be too shy or embarrassed to share their stories. Fourth, women fear that if they expose men's behaviour their safety would be at risk. Fifth, women are afraid of bringing attention to themselves and risking a damaged reputation.
Considering these factors that hinder women's self-esteem and status, it is no wonder that women do not come forward and share their experiences. A study of women workers by Swarna Jayaweera, reveals one impact of gender inequality where 73 per cent of the women studied preferred to be reborn as men, 15 percent as men or women and only 10 per-cent as women. Among the men, 90 per cent wished to be reborn as men and 8.5 per cent as women."
Sexual harassment is indeed present in all societies and persists as a daily problem for women of all nations. Those who experience it are not coming forward with stories for various reasons, leaving a false impression that it is not a problem in society. I believe that in order to address this issue, the taboo of the topic should be broken through awareness and acceptance of women's personal stories amongst women, men and children through social support systems. Women of Sri Lanka - citizens, expatriates and visitors - let your voices and stories be heard.
http://www.dailynews.lk/2006/08/17/fea03.asp
posted by Ruah at Thursday, August 17, 2006
2 Comments:
Kudos to Ruah for addressing a serious and sensitive issue in the latest Daily News article. I have no doubt, Ruah, that this article has served as a catalyst for the beginnings of more open discussion about sexual harassment in the mainstream here. You have used your privileged status and weekly platform to break the silence on behalf of so many Sri Lankan women who suffer daily harassment in the streets and even in their homes but who have not had any social support to bring it up as a valid concern. I know you will continue to get strangers approaching you to express thanks, but I also wanted to express my admiration as a classmate and friend for using the power of your voice to encourage others to do so. Bravo.
Kudos to Ruah for addressing a serious and sensitive issue in the latest Daily News article. I have no doubt, Ruah, that this article has served as a catalyst for the beginnings of more open discussion about sexual harassment in the mainstream here. You have used your privileged status and weekly platform to break the silence on behalf of so many Sri Lankan women who suffer daily harassment in the streets and even in their homes but who have not had any social support to bring it up as a valid concern. I know you will continue to get strangers approaching you to express thanks, but I also wanted to express my admiration as a classmate and friend for using the power of your voice to encourage others to do so. Bravo.
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